Kat Jost

“STAY CURIOUS: Every person is a universe. It’s easy for us to feel curious about the universe because we don’t presume we could possibly ever fully see it, much less fully understand it. It’s vast, it’s huge, it’s complicated and well, fascinating. In this group/ in these conversations/ on this team, we treat humans the same way: We see every person as a universe of complex experiences, feelings and abilities, not something to be oversimplified or flattened. When we approach humans as complex vast universes, we create better conversations: Curiosity immunizes us against vengeance, arrogance, stubbornness and other types of dead-end discussions.” – Paloma Medina [Source]

I recently received a Slack message at work from a leader I deeply admire, Christopher: “i don’t know how often you write but i’ll buy your book when it comes out.” It was in response to a post I had made publicly honoring him for everything he had given me in the last year that I had been at Comcast with him. In the post, I thanked him for all the time, wisdom, and kindness I had consumed from him as well as his most recent contribution to my leadership knowledge bank: a blog article that led me to the Paloma Medina quote above. I thought that perhaps my Slack post was worthy of elaboration; hence, the blog post.

It was a bit of a journey to land on that quote. I suppose I could say it started with the news of Christopher getting laid off. I was gutted by the news. I couldn’t believe that such a valuable, long-serving, and widely loved leader could be let go. He wasn’t my manager, but I was lucky enough that our paths crossed and we became friends. For a long time he worked on my floor, just a few desks in front of mine. I often overheard him on calls giving solid advice to direct reports, interjecting in meetings with honest observations that I would be too cowardly to say out loud myself, and dishing out tough feedback with empathy and candor and grace. Everyone I came across who knew Christopher spoke highly of him. He cared sincerely and deeply about team culture and was known for his unique approach to creating and co-maintaining a core values list with his team members. The news of the layoff hit me, and likely many others, like a brick.

Christopher and I arranged to get coffee during his last week. We went to our usual spot, an independent coffee shop that is a nice ten-minute walk from the office and never too busy to grab a table. (I won’t share the name because I very selfishly want to keep it that way.) As I often do, I took advantage of our time by asking for leadership advice. He referenced two articles, both by renowned author and coach in the technical leadership world, Lara Hogan, and sent them to me later in Slack. I read them both immediately and became really stuck on a quote at the bottom of the first one. It was the quote above about being curious because every person is a universe. [Note: The link in the Lara Hogan article is for a page on Paloma’s website that has since been updated with different content. Christopher was able to find the original page, here.]

The quote reached out and grabbed me because it highlighted my favorite leadership skill: curiosity. My team at Comcast, the portfolio and program management team inside the Developer Experience (DevX) organization, has more than once heard me bring up how curiosity is not only the most useful leadership skill but also the most underrated leadership skill out there. I truly believe in its power. I credit much of my empathetic instincts to my curiosity trait that I have built up over the years.

When an employee says something off-putting in a meeting, curiosity will save you from snapping at them, judging them, or making assumptions. Asking, “I wonder what would bring them to say that…” will force you to put on their shoes and walk a few blocks. When someone at work starts treating you differently, such as responding slower and slower to your messages, curiosity will save you from taking it personally. Instead of thinking, “They’re mad at me! It’s because of that thing I said last week, I know it!”, you will instead think, “It’s interesting that they usually respond faster, but they haven’t brought any issues to my attention. I hope nothing is wrong and that they’re ok.”

To apply curiosity to your work situations, follow these steps:

1. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. Easier said than done? Try visually imagining putting your thoughts in a box or on a shelf, or smacking them away like a beachball.
2. Observe what’s happening – both in your environment and in your body. Are there other people around? Do you feel yourself tensing up with anger or panicking with anxiety? What color are the walls?
3. Ponder. Say things to yourself like, “Hmm I wonder…”, and “Oh it’s interesting that…”, or my personal favorite, “How might I…”
4. Respond to the situation from an open-minded, non-judgmental, “anything is possible” perspective.

Curiosity protects us from acting too quickly and regretting it later. In our daily work lives, it helps us pause, observe, and proceed mindfully. It builds empathy and promotes kindness. On a larger scale, curiosity has world-saving potential. I wish more people knew this.